Why is it just so difficult to be at complete Peace in any relationship? Why are relationships so conflictual, where one person tries to dominate another, compete with another, argue with another, and end up hating another?
The answer again lies in, Metaphysics.
There are really only two primary choices for you to experience any relationship at the end of the day, and these two choice are either on Level-1 or Level-2. The Special relationship on Level-1 is where we will first experience all our relationships. And, when we have tried everything we can to make them work, and then when we fail, we end up hating this other former love of our lives.
However, we now have a choice, we always have the Holy Relationship, or The Unconditional Relationship on Level-2. But no one will try Level-2, until the try everything they can to make their special relationships work on Level-1.
So, let’s look at the Special relationship on Level-1 first, and you will see that there are many distinct choices and possibilities of mind sets that you can find yourself within. Why? Because Level-1 is the mind of separation, and no matter how hard you try, you will find it very difficult not to be in conflict with the other persons in your relationships.
Conflict can only come when two people are together, but in different mind sets. When two people are in the same mind set, there can be no conflict, because both will experience and embrace each other in that Oneness. But let’s look at Level-1 first, and the special relationship.
In Metaphysics, there are three primary compartments, or mind sets on Level-1. There is the Persona, The Shadow and The Personality. For you to be even close with the person you are in a relationship with, you both must be in the same compartment at the same time! So, let’s say for example that you both are in the most popular compartment on Level-1, let’s say you both are in the Persona.
Now, you would think that being in the same compartment or mind set, you and this other person would be very close to each other, but that is not true either. Because, within the compartment of the Persona, there are thousands of different possibilities, which means that you can be still miles apart from the person you are with. Why?
Because within the Persona, you also have the false image, and there are many, many false images that each of us can choose from. And, not all these false images will be compatible with each other either, in fact, many will conflict with each other!
Here are just a few examples you can choose from. Y,ou have the seeker, the intellectual, the dyslexic, the fixer, the helper, the victim, the good person, the career, the giver, the receiver, the taker, and many, many more besides.
So, let’s say that you are a fixer, and now someone in a relationship with you needs ‘fixing’. Now, the fixer will set out with the goal to fix the other person in the relationship. And, this sounds all well and good and it also sounds like this person is a kind, caring and loving person to be with.
But, the problem arises when you cannot fix the other person, now you will be become angrier and angrier with this other person. Why? Because to the fixer, their happiness will only come when they fix this other person. And, we all now know, that no one; and there are no exceptions to this rule, no one can fix anyone else. All fixing is an inside job, that must be accomplished by ourselves.
And, maybe this person will now spend the rest of their lives trying to fix, not only this person, but anyone they can get their hands on. The fixer will now spend a lifetime seeking and trying to fix other people. Which also means that they will spend a lifetime being frustrated, with this, and any others that they set out to fix.
The end results for the fixer is; they will feel inadequate, which will leave them feeling worthless. You see, happiness will only come to the fixer when they complete the task of fixing the other person, or persons.
Then you have the Career, and the career will only be happy when they are caring for the other person. They will be happy and content when caring, but let’s say that they have no one to care for, they will feel like a ‘spare wheel’, useless. They will feel useless and worthless until someone gets sick and unwell. Then when that happens, they will be happy and cheerful, because now they will feel they have value and worth, because all their values and sense of worth comes from caring.
Then you have the taker and the receiver in relationships, and all will be not well when both are in the same relationship. One is a taker and one is a receiver, both will be not be happy! Because the receiver will like to receive, and the taker will love to take. So, this type of coming together by these two energies, is going to be a very conflictual relationship. The taker will only be happy when they are taking, and the receiver will only be fulfilled when receiving.
Or, maybe you have two receivers in the same relationship, well you can see the conflict right away, both will be wanting each other to give, but they do not, and so both will feel the other person is selfish and uncaring.
Let’s say you have an intellectual and a dyslexic in the same relationship. The intellectual will make the dyslexic feel inadequate and insecure. The dyslexic will have feelings of not being good enough. The intellectual will have feelings of superiority and grandeur using their intelligence to attack the dyslexic.
What makes the intellectual feel smart and intelligent, is that they are with someone who is not. And the dyslexic will feel the complete opposite in return. They will feel very insecure and inadequate in this relationship.
And, this will happen all under the surface, in most cases this will be unconscious behaviour Because maybe the intellectual will not know just how much their intellectual learned knowledge is hurting the dyslexics self-confidence. And so, sooner or later the dyslexic will rebel, and attack the intellectual and conflict will arise.
Another mask is, that you want to be a ‘good’ person, you want a good image, and maybe the person you are with, does not measure up to your standards all of the time. Maybe they have a good person image some of the time, but sometimes maybe they let you down. Now, every time they step out of order, every time they make a mistake, you will pounce on them with a projection of your own guilt.
You see, good people want to be with good people, that is what makes them feel like a good person. But, when that does not happen, the good person feels betrayed by the actions of the other, and now the good person will feel justified in attacking the bad person.
This is the old war of the ego, good versus bad, light versus darkness and so on, but now it is being played out in our very own special relationships. You have to remember, as long as you are on Level-1, trying to be a good person, in truth all you are doing is denying the ego inside yourself. All you are doing is consistently denying all those bad thoughts you have about yourself.
Now, when you deny those bad thoughts, you will suppress them, and you project them, and then you will react to all of them. This is why, some of the most dishonest people on Level-1, are all those ‘good’ people, who actually believe that they are good people. This is a classic case of the ego, really trying to be good, but using you and your emotional body, to attack you, the good person.
I could write many more example here, but I think you have got the picture. It really does not matter which false image and mask you wear, even it if is the same mask, that does not necessarily mean that there will be peace in the relationship. No, because sometimes when you have the same two energies, the same two false images, they can be even more conflictual.
The point here is this, as long as you remain on Level-1, there is a 99.99% chance that you and the other people in your relationships, will all have different values in life, you will have different out looks and different objectives in life. And, as long as you remain on Level-1 there is a 99.99% chance that your relationships will be in conflict with each other at different stages of your journey through life together.
What make the special relationship special is, that it is different, it is unique, there is no one else like you, or this other special person in your life. And, you cannot have different outlooks on life, with different values and not be in conflict at various times in those relationships. So, what is the answer and where can one find complete Peace in all your relationship’s?
The answer is very simple, it is Level-2 and the Mind of Oneness. It is called the holy Relationship in the Course. And, you can substitute the word ‘Holy’ for ‘Whole’ meaning Complete. This is a Complete Mind that is shared equally with everyone else. In this mind set, there are no separate compartments you can choose from.
There are no different images or masks you can choose to wear. On Level-2, we all wear the same mask, we all have the same image, which is our true Spiritual identity, which God gave to us. It is immortal, eternal, loving and forever loved
On Level-2, and in this Mind of Oneness, there is only Peace. In Oneness, there can only be Joy. In Oneness, there can only be Love. This is why Heaven is the State of Bliss, because Heaven is the State of Oneness.
‘You are free to choose, but you are not free from the consequences of that choice’.